Hurt is Inevitable
Volume 3 of But Yea...
If you’d rather listen to this week’s edition of But Yea…, listen to the companion podcast here!
Hey Girrrl! Every week so far I’m like this is not gon be long & it never ends up that way. There’s a lot to share & the messages are coming in fast so much so that I pre-wrote the “I Tried It…” portion a week ago! I loved the feedback from last week’s email, y’all have no idea what it means to me! Writing last week’s newsletter brought up more for me so there’ll be more on the topic soon. But yea… let’s get into this week cause IT’S TIME TO GET HURT!
(Sha la la la)
Last August during my birthday brunch with some friends, I was asked a series of fun reflective questions. The question that struck me the most was “What do I want to happen in this next year?” (I don’t remember the exact wording). My want was “I want a fully committed relationship”, girl I never said it out loud in this way before but I told y’all God had me put it on my 2022 Vision board but up until then I hadn’t worked on it at all, a whole 8 months!
So I hop back on the apps, had some very interesting encounters (we’ll get into those one day) then I match with a new guy. I remember going to therapy & telling my therapist I had a crush and in true fashion she ate me up & told me I was too old for that… LMAO
She was like you just like him, just say that! Me saying that just would make it easier in my mind to detach myself in hopes that I wouldn’t get hurt. She let me know that “hurt is inevitable” no matter how much we want to think we can save ourselves from it.
As someone who in the past always sabotaged something to get the person before they got me (also what’s up with us thinking love/dating is a game of gotcha…hmmm). This opened up a whole new thought for me because, in those past situations, it still hurt. Instead, I didn’t go through it fully to learn the lessons. It ended up rather incomplete.
I told my homegirl this one day on the phone, I called her after seeing the new guy & shared with her about the first instance of him acting funny. Of course, it was your normal convo with a homegirl & we start to jump the stones to boundless conclusions together across a river of chaos. Then I remembered what I learned & told her how it wouldn’t make any difference to assume or cop out at this point cause it’s still going to hurt rather or not I wait to see what will happen on the other end of this.
Just like going to the gym, every time we work a new area it hurts but if we stop, we’ll never get to that goal. It’s so easy to cop out, not get all into it but if you barely workout anything at the gym, what’s the point of going. Similar to dating if you’re not all into it, you don’t get to use or gain any new skills for your ultimate goal. Whew girl trust me I know it’s hard, I wanna city girl til the day I die it feels easier that way. But, I know my ultimate goal is a loving, affirming marriage but I need to get to the other end of it & hurt will be a part of that in some form especially once I’ve started liking you frfr. I talked about it the first newsletter…TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER! So yea I could cop out now, make a whole story up in my mind & end it early but it wouldn’t help me to do it that way again this time. It’ll keep my journey to my ultimate goal a bit more repetitive… same test over & over & over! That’s annoying af, JUST GET HURT BABY!
I’m still a work in progress on this but this is a question I raise for myself & you this week…are you allowing the hurt to occur & when it occurs are you sitting in the emotions that come with it?! Literally had this convo in therapy just last week…(I’ll share more when it’s time *sigh*)
I hope this gives you a new perspective on something we all will experience. Share it with your homegirl she may need it! At the end of the day, no matter how much we avoid it , big or small.
Maybe later I can share some additional examples of this lesson in play. Let me know how you feel about that?! Comment below or reply to let me know your thoughts!
Last week I felt so bad my allergies or something had me down bad for about a week. Since I was in the house a lot, here are some of my fav shows that kept me company in this week’s…
My Wife & Kids-literally know every episode just about by heart
This guy who’s been recapping the Love is Blind newest tea
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Prime- I see why they have 5 seasons, really-good & captivating
Saturdays - Super cute new Disney channel show about these 3 black girls who skate in Chicago. It’s good & light and perfect comfort show after taking your meds! lol
Welp, that’s all for this week girl. Let’s chat again next Tuesday, cool?! BET! Next week’s is gonna be good!!